nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
