If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I enjoy the company of your penis
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
