Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
