im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
