i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
