I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Damn victory sex feels great
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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