my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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