i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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