is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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