I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Text me some of your sweat
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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