i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
