I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
