YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
