The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
