I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
