just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
