How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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