Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
