evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
