Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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