I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
