My nipple is on Facebook.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
