sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
