two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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