Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
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She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
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just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We had sex on a dog bed..
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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