A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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