my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
