I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
