all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
