She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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