It's like God shit irony all over that family
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
