You work out of a Hotel?
I want to make a zoo with you.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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