I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
