I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
