ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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