the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
