she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
