I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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