I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
