went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
thus making me awesome and them whores
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
