he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
