OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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