My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
