Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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