I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
