she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
