So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
