Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
