2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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