its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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