I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
