He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
