I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
