No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
