guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
