it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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