I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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