What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
