Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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