Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
