okay pat passed out under dana's car
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
