now i know why i became what i already was.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
