I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
