just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
