is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
