i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
