She said her name was "party"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
we should paint friendship bongs
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