I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
