I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
