Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
