pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
