I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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