dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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