the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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