I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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